Gosh there are sooo many things on my mind these days. Gotta think about how I'm gonna complete my PhD in time, given that things are not working so well :( And if i don't finish by end of this year, which will prolly be the case, i gotta think of how I'm gonna support myself for the many months that I'll be without a stipend! :s And, then even after that, what's next?? Do i continue in this field of marine research? Knowing me, i like to stay in my comfort zone so am most likely to do that, even though I'd had dreams of joining marine expeditions just for the experience, and then maybe doing internships. But i realized I'm already turning 28 soon!! And then the big 3-0 will come very soon. Oh. My. Gosh. But I'm so tired, just wanna take a long holiday. Haha.. go backpacking around the world (ok, well i obviously have to scale down my world tour due to financial constraints). Or should i just get a boring 9-5 office job? But, one thing i really wanna do is to live overseas for a while. Just for the life experience, and perhaps find someplace else that i love. And also just to move far far away from my mother!! If you'd read the previous posts, you might know why. But all this depends on whether or not i can find a job overseas too. Post-doc seems the most likely. But who's gonna hire me for not having any publications to my name yet?? :( Better buck up already! And it gets more complicated now that I've D in my life, cuz we'd need to move to the same place. Howwww??? What if i can't find a job where he gets a scholarship to do his PhD? Sigh. An adult's life is so stressful! I can't wait to move on to the next phase of my life though. 頑張って！
Ah and then I'm also toying with the idea of moving out on my own this July, because after the most recent episode with my mother, i really feel that it's time for me to move on and out. I know she will be angry (again, what else is new?). But what can i do? Not that i want to waste the money, but it seems i have no choice if i wanna preserve my sanity :(
Sunday, 28 March 2010
Thursday, 18 March 2010
Tough choice!
Yours truly has been lured by the attractive bait offered in a local photo contest organized by NParks :p My chances are very slim given that I have to join the open category, but I decided there's no harm in trying since the prizes are so good! ;p I can't decide which 4 pictures to submit, so am posting them here in hopes that you can give me your opinions! Thanks in advance!
Check out the website if you're interested too ;)
http://www.nparks.gov.sg/cms/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=187&Itemid=167
Check out the website if you're interested too ;)
http://www.nparks.gov.sg/cms/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=187&Itemid=167
Happy 5th month anniversary
I'm such a hopeless girlfriend, and he's such a hopeless romantic! Usually one would expect the girl to remember anniversaries and such, but in our case it's the reverse. It seems work and family issues have made me so worn out that I'm no longer the sweet girl who'd love to hand-make gifts and cards for my beloved friends. Friend's wedding? Sure, make a cross-stitch more than 6 months in advance. Friend's birthday? Yup, make a card and send it few thousand miles away, and have it reach on time. Christmas round the corner? Ooh let's make personalized gifts for everyone in the lab! Haa.. gone are those days man.. How sad! I yearn for the day when I'd have such mood to do these things again.
ANYWAY, back to the topic of 5th month anniversary.. So yea, he had to remind me of it while I'd completely forgotten! :p Such a sweetheart. But alas we did not manage to have a good celebration... See, first of all, us 2 pathetic souls are still recovering from a nasty flu. Check out the bags of antibiotics and other medicines, one for him and one for me:
And to make it worse, we were violated by a peeping tom!!!! :S First time in my life. Got a real shock when we discovered someone hiding in the bushes, and was prolly there watching us for a whole 10 minutes before we discovered him :(( Totally spoilt our mood after that because it's beyond us why people would do such stupid things...
ANYWAY, back to the topic of 5th month anniversary.. So yea, he had to remind me of it while I'd completely forgotten! :p Such a sweetheart. But alas we did not manage to have a good celebration... See, first of all, us 2 pathetic souls are still recovering from a nasty flu. Check out the bags of antibiotics and other medicines, one for him and one for me:
And to make it worse, we were violated by a peeping tom!!!! :S First time in my life. Got a real shock when we discovered someone hiding in the bushes, and was prolly there watching us for a whole 10 minutes before we discovered him :(( Totally spoilt our mood after that because it's beyond us why people would do such stupid things...
Sunday, 14 March 2010
离家出走。
It'd crossed my mind several times before in my life, but never had I the guts to do it. For the first time in my almost 27 years on this planet, I actually really left home in a fit of anger. Well, it wasn't as dramatic as leaving for good, but I'd planned to leave for at least the weekend. Since she doesn't welcome me in her house, she doesn't want me in her house. It still stings when I think about it :(
It's just a jumbled mess in my mind now. There is so much in my mind, but they have all been thrown into chaos. As I write this, I am still contemplating if I should go back to what people call my "home". "Home", as they call it, is a 5-room HDB flat which I've been living in for more than 10 years. "Home" as they call it, has long become more of a hotel for me, for I often leave home in the morning before she wakes up, and return around midnight. And now "home", has been reduced to a mere empty shell without its operculum.. Cold, empty.
The recent episode which finally triggered my leaving.. I caught a flu from Diego, and she was angry that I let myself catch the flu from him. She was upset that he came over too often as we'd wanted to accompany each other through our illness. Why? Because she needs her "private time". When I'm at home nursing my flu all day, I deprive her of her "personal space" and "private time". Because she cannot watch her Oprah, Ellen or Rachel Ray on TV in comfort when I'm at home. Because she cannot blast the radio all day long when I'm at home. When I return home at 9+, 10 pm, she blames me for coming home too early and interrupting her mopping the floor. Gosh aren't I welcomed and loved?
It's not just this. It's been going on for so long. Nothing I do is ever "right" to her. Nothing I do is ever good enough for her standards.
How did it become to this? And how can I get out of this? I only know how to run away. Offers from 3 lovely friends for me to bunk in with them? Tempting. But I can't impose on my friends forever. Consider moving out on my own? Rental is expensive. I'm already planning for a semester without stipend. Diego wanting me to share a room with him? Even more tempting, given that he'll pay the bulk of the rental.. Decisions decisions.. I wish I knew what to do. I need guts. Perhaps the next time she pushes me to the edge again, then my guts will really tell me what to do..
It's just a jumbled mess in my mind now. There is so much in my mind, but they have all been thrown into chaos. As I write this, I am still contemplating if I should go back to what people call my "home". "Home", as they call it, is a 5-room HDB flat which I've been living in for more than 10 years. "Home" as they call it, has long become more of a hotel for me, for I often leave home in the morning before she wakes up, and return around midnight. And now "home", has been reduced to a mere empty shell without its operculum.. Cold, empty.
The recent episode which finally triggered my leaving.. I caught a flu from Diego, and she was angry that I let myself catch the flu from him. She was upset that he came over too often as we'd wanted to accompany each other through our illness. Why? Because she needs her "private time". When I'm at home nursing my flu all day, I deprive her of her "personal space" and "private time". Because she cannot watch her Oprah, Ellen or Rachel Ray on TV in comfort when I'm at home. Because she cannot blast the radio all day long when I'm at home. When I return home at 9+, 10 pm, she blames me for coming home too early and interrupting her mopping the floor. Gosh aren't I welcomed and loved?
It's not just this. It's been going on for so long. Nothing I do is ever "right" to her. Nothing I do is ever good enough for her standards.
How did it become to this? And how can I get out of this? I only know how to run away. Offers from 3 lovely friends for me to bunk in with them? Tempting. But I can't impose on my friends forever. Consider moving out on my own? Rental is expensive. I'm already planning for a semester without stipend. Diego wanting me to share a room with him? Even more tempting, given that he'll pay the bulk of the rental.. Decisions decisions.. I wish I knew what to do. I need guts. Perhaps the next time she pushes me to the edge again, then my guts will really tell me what to do..
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