On the Path to Permanent Head Damage

After weeks of panic and frantic preparation, I've finally officially cleared the qualifying examinations that allow me to proceed on the path of permanent head damage. Looking back, I can't believe the frustration I went through the 2 weeks just before the doomed presentation. It's just another public presentation, wasn't it? And to be honest, I think I was prolly more upset with myself and perhaps my boss more than I was worried about the presentation itself. Somewhere inside, I think it's got to do with the many many presentations I have had to give thus far. Guiding at Kusu, teaching the undergraduates, international conferences even, and as much as I hate to admit, I think the frequent presentations for this module I took this semester kinda made me numb to presenting - I have learnt to be thick-skinned!! ="=

Here are some photos that one of my colleagues took of me during the presentation:

That was me desperately trying to undo the format changes that the seminar room's computer had done to my ppt slides (Check out the ppt slide! I designed it myself, cuz I had no idea what picture to put)

Prof Tan, the Chair of my seminar, and also one of the examiners, introducing me to the audience

Me "ready" to field questions from the floor

The presentation went OK, though I got a question on Googgle Earth which I made no sense of, and one question from Richard Corlett that I wished I'd answered much better. It was a question I'd asked myself before over and over again, but I still did not have an answer to it. Then came the grilling session with my examiners, where everyone else was chased out. I got a mild shock, as I did not expect even my supervisors had to go! But thankfully, the examiners were really nice to me *muacks*. As Siva said, they were more trying to help than ruin me. And I really appreciated their concerns about the many risks of my project, my workload - all of which debunked the expectations my own supervisor imposed on me! Gosh you don't know how relieved I was to finally get this kinda affirmation. For my morale has been so badly battered by my supervisor's high expectations and demands. Thank you, Sirs. :)

During the past 2 dark weeks, I also experienced so much love and support from some wonderful people. Words alone can't express my gratitude to them. Karenne, for the immense support and tonnes of advice, lending me a listening ear when I needed to pour my heart out. Thank you so much, you have been so sweet =) Pamela, who was my nanny and forced me to write my proposal, something which I'd otherwise have too much inertia to really get down to doing. And to my "new friends" from the Evo Lab, who have been just the sweetest, supportive (& wacky) bunch of labmates. I love you guys already. This Christmas, I am going to be more broke, but more wealthy in other ways =)

Good things to share!

The past few weeks since I've been back from Australia have been pretty much hellish, as I have been trying to clear the mountains of work on an oxygen-and-sleep-deprived, malfunctioning brain. Was just made worse 3 days ago by my boss, who gave me this i-can't-be-bothered-with-you-anymore attitude when i went to seek him for advice on my project, that i broke down again :( It's funny how it's as if a kid were trying to seek approval and care from his daddy! (Sidetrack: He'd make a great daddy though).

Anyway, at least he brought me this great piece of news that brought some cheer to me: that my good friend has made it to one of the top tier scientific journals, Science!!
http://nusbiodiversity.wordpress.com/2008/11/15/danweis-letter-to-science/
(he is so gonna kill me for notifying the blog moderator to this piece of news..)

Gee I feel really honoured to be his friend. A zillion scientists around the world would be SO happy to get an article in Science, even if it's just a letter to Science! But guess what was the Spoiler's reply when i congratulated him on it??
'Hah? Just write lor. This kind of thing is luck one what. It's not a piece I'm very proud of, but they liked it, so good lor.' -_-"

What's wrong with me?

Maybe it's stress, maybe it's the hormones.. I'm not sure why, but i kept feeling like crying today :( Perhaps it's just the emo songs that I have been listening to the whole day too.. But one thing i know is that i am stressed. There is so much work to do, my QE is coming up in 20 days yet i have not started preparing for it. I'm upset with myself that i can't seem to focus and am taking ages just to write a 1000 word essay. Been hiding the last 2 days, so that i can focus on completing some assignments but still can't finish. How did i manage undergrad studies?? I'm sure i had way more things to do.. At this moment i really just wish someone was here to let me grab on to and cry.. :(

Back in Singapore~

Hehe, sorry for the lack of updates.. though I have been back home for a week already! As you might have suspected, I was prolly enjoying myself too much in Australia after they started to like me that I got too comfy there to blog :p And in the past week back home, it was busy catching up with friends and work! Still have tonnes of work, but hehe, am taking a break from writing my essay (I've a very short attention span), so here I am...

Reflecting on the trip, it was a really awesome trip! Not only did I learn heaps, I also made a couple of new friends =) It's always great to meet new people and expose myself to new cultures. This trip was especially cool, 'cuz there were people from all over the world, but all brought together by their love for corals *aaww* :) Meeting people of such diverse backgrounds and life experiences has just increased my wanderlust by several folds :p I am now more determined to go on a long trip to experience life, should I manage to survive my PhD. What made it more valuable was the acceptance by the people who were initially resistant towards me.. And this is how it turned out! Just as eye-opening was the fact that the bigwigs in the field, such as Bette Willis & Andrew Baird (my 偶像s) actually went down to get involved in the field work themselves! Hehe I know, I'm such a nerd right, to get excited watching Bette Willis kneeling on the pontoon to get the corals from the divers. But it was really quite inspiring, 'cuz she's prolly been at this before I was born, yet she still has so much passion and drive! I can't imagine most other Profs in NUS actually up at 3+ am in the morning with her students, doing field work :D Hehe and i asked to take a picture with her at that ungodly hour, and she obliged!

Back in Singapore, some little surprises were left on my table.. Some of the hons kids had been leaving little notes and drawings on my table in my absence! Hehe it really warmed my heart to know that they were thinking of me in my absence ;) On Friday night, our lab had a simple Halloween party - bit of deco in the lab pantry, with tonnes of food! I am really impressed with the labbies, for being such good cooks! Really puts me to shame :p I need to learn how to cook too... I'm sure I can, hehe, just don't have the motivation to try. Perhaps someday someone will give me the motivation to cook ;p Anyway, back to the party, it was a really funny Halloween party cuz nobody was dressed for the occasion, and they were playing Indian music! Hehe, this must've been the tamest Halloween party, and really true to the Singaporean spirit cuz food dominated the party! :p What I prepared must've been the most Halloween-themed food. Check out my Eyeballs in Purple Blood: And my pumpkins!! Hehe, not bad for a first-timer eh? ;) PS: Can you spot the 'fake'??
Finally, here's a 'family portrait' of the huge marine lab family :) Though this is prolly only like half of the big family! Thanks to Pammie for organizing this great party =)