Note to self (one of many to come i believe)

Life is never peaceful with mum. We just don't get along anymore. She's been back for less than 3 weeks and I'm thinking of staying overnight in lab tonight just to avoid her :((( We've probably had one civil lunch together, because i simply avoid beng around her for long periods. Just when I thought Diego and I should give her a nice lunch treat this weekend, she reminds me of how much I want to move out. P.R.O.N.T.O. It is beyond me how she can just sit at home the whole day watching tv or reading newspapers, especially when she wants (not so badly it seems since she is not working for it at all??) to get citizenship here. And my bro? He wants me to stay on another year or so after I graduate just to help her get her citizenship. Provided I haven't ended up in the IMH or we haven't physically killed each other, yes I can.

This is me trying to write my paper while she is blasting the tv behind meShe keeps a tv in her bedroom for decoration by the way. Her highness can only watch tv on the big screen out in the living room, even if the loud volume disturbs other people.

A step towards my new future.

No fancy candle-lit dinner,
No big flashy declaration of love,
Just a simple, honest affair.
A proposal that is a reflection of who we are,

A marriage-skeptic is what i have been most of my life, since my parents had a bad breakup. One of my mum's first reactions was to taunt me about breaking my marriage-skepticism for this. It surprises me though, that the all-knowing woman thinks this. Does she not realize that i may say that i don't believe in marriage, often in defiance? Sometimes, as a retort towards her for having said hurtful things to me? And although there is still some fear and doubt towards men, i have found someone who makes me want to take that risk. I certainly do not want to be like my mother, who shuns doing things just because she is afraid of failure or rejection.. I guess I will live my life as it comes, and try to accept everything as a learning experience. So please mum, can i have your blessings and not just snide remarks?

What to do now? Most people i know feel that this is too soon - we have been dating for just 9 months and 8 days. But thing is, we meet up almost everyday of the week, which is alot more frequent than many other couples! And his sincerity and honesty is something that cannot be missed. One of the sad things is, i don't know why i feel the need to explain myself to everyone else. If only people did not judge! And how can i reject the sweetest guy on Earth? ;p

Bless us!!

Worried sick. Literally.

It's been almost one and a half days since he was scheduled to have arrived in Poland, but still haven't heard a whisper from you :( Everyone's telling me that I'm being paranoid-what could possible happen to you? Well a million and one possible thoughts racing through my mind :( Why don't you call, or drop me an email?? I know in my heart that you'd always try your best to keep me happy, and certainly wouldn't want me to worry.. so why..? :( Which is what makes me worry even more.. Come back safely please, there are still many things that i need to tell you..

Sorry guys for ranting about this here.. but i guess there isn't anyone else who would really listen to me, and I'd just be dismissed as being silly!

Those three words

"..When you say you love me
The world goes still, so still inside and
When you say you love me
In that moment, I know why I'm alive.."
- When you say you love me by Josh Groban

Why do I not have the courage to say those words to you yet? When I'm missing you so much when you've only been away for one day?

But seriously dear,
"When you say you love me.
When you say you love me.
Do you know how I love you?"

Permanently scarred?

Whew, woke up this morning from a nightmare :(( Probably the nth nightmare I've had about the same recurring topic lately - immigration officers in Bintan asking me to fly back to Jakarta to get some stupid permission again!! Seems I've not quite gotten over it yet. And i have to give up going on a trek to Mt Rinjani this year because i am just so afraid of getting stopped by the officers again... :(

1.5 mths of F.R.E.E.D.O.M.

Mum's finally gone off to Perth for the next 1.5mths! Had been eager for the day to arrive, cuz we just don't seem to get along. Diego'd encouraged me to send her off at the airport and so i offered, well, kinda.. :p but on the night before she left, she really put me off again (is it just an excuse??) and so i decided just to SMS her before her flight :p What happened? Well please tell me if I'm wrong to be upset, but she insisted on locking her room door for the entire period! Why? Because she says she thinks I'm "not trustworthy". Apparently, I'd given her the impression some time ago (she can't remember how), that i am not trustworthy and will do stuff like letting my dad into her room while she is away. Why thanks mum, i really appreciate the lack of trust. And the lack of faith in me as a person.

Strangely, an hour or so before her departure i was actually feeling a twinge of sadness! Totally weird, cuz we seldom communicate when we are together, and when we do, it almost always leads to unhappy squabbles :( But all's well now cuz I'm so caught up with work and my Wolf that i barely have time to think about her! :p Just enjoying no nagging at the moment ;) And i can actually do the laundry without having to weigh it!! Mwhahahaha. :p :p

Paintball!! :D

Me man at paintball! Look at the muscles and pose..

Watch him run! *swoons* ;p