For the First Time

For the first time i sat by the riverside and had a long, leisurely chat with a friend.

For the first time, i felt so at ease and comforted to have you by my side.

For the first time, i thought i felt my heart thump because of you.

Is this my destiny? Just yesterday till this morning, i was quite determined to be hard-hearted and ask to to go away, never to return. But your honesty, sincerity has somehow moved me. :)

Will there be a next time?

The Guilt Trap

So they say, "You can choose ur friends, but not ur family." How very true. I wish it were not the case though :( The family's totally screwed up and how i wish i could just leave and abandon it all...

7pm: i get a few missed calls while in lecture from my dad, who's presumably somewhere in China. But i couldn't pick up. Then comes the sms that reads "HUEY IS IN SGP. SHE NEED SOME MONEY PL CALL HER AT 9353..." She really baffles me. How can one come back without prior notice, without any hello, coming through a 3rd person to get money from you? And you send her an sms to ask about her situation, no reply.
12mn: Yet another call from the 3rd person, asking YOU to call HER cuz SHE needs money.

I just cannot deal with this crap anymore. Really don't know how my bro coped with this kinda shit.

:(

Wants to crawl into a giant clam shell and close it shut.

Wants to climb up the highest mountain and scream out lungs.

Wants to go to the far corners of the Earth where no one knows me.

Wishes i was never born.

Another load off my chest

I finally did it. Not sure if things have been totally resolved, but I feel things should get better from now. The relationship between my supervisor and I have become so strained in the last year, so much so that I feel so stifled and super depressed. Always hiding from him, (very) often cursing him. Every time after talking to him I'd need to cry :( And so it happened again yesterday, but thankfully I went to seek help, and under the advice of dear Denise (thanks babe *muacks*) I mustered up enough courage to talk to him again. This time about the issues between us, and to let him know my concerns, my insecurities. Also to apologize to him for giving him such a rough time as a supervisor. Brave me, no? ="= Haha but of course this was between tears :p I think he took it pretty well, and kinda appreciated the gesture. Pray for me that it will get better!

Graduation Mania!

Yesterday was the commencement ceremony of many of my friends-the hons kids, and also several grad students as well!! Started off with some crazy picture taking frenzy in the lab, then some more after their ceremony. Am gonna miss u all! Especially all my 'kids', as i dearly call them..

Some crazy photos with dear Nicky (a very sweet boy, no doubt) who i really miss having around:
And then there's my sweetheart, Pammie :) Thanks for being my ISFJ!
And then Zee! Glad we kinda made up after the spawning fiasco.. :p
A very happening graduation event, cuz so many of them are graduating!! Especially so cuz the BioD group is small and are very close :) Wish I had such a fun and cosy graduation!!

Sigh, this is my 3rd batch of honours students already! Every year they come and go, breaking my heart each time! Perhaps i shouldn't get too close to them eh? :p

Willi Hennig Conference

After a long absence from blogging, I'm finally back. Prolly cuz someone reminded me that I have a blog! I'd been neglecting it for the evil Facebook. But then it occurred to me, it's prolly more cuz nobody actually reads this blog, so I'm talking to the wall when i write here. Haha. Ok i shall save my most private inner thoughts for this then, just like the good old pen-book-diary days (not that I could ever keep one for long!).

Anyway, the past few months have somehow gone past in a blur.. With the coral spawning mania over, there was the World Ocean Conference in Manado, followed by a period of depression... and then just last week, the Willi Hennig Conference which I'm supposed to be blogging about!

So although I was kinda made to attend this conference as a participant (first time attending a conference without having to prepare anything!), it was a pretty good experience I must say :) The even kicked off (for me) with a talk on Charles Darwin by Alfred Wallace by a historian, Dr John van Wyhe from Cambridge University. To think I was contemplating not attending the talk! Good thing I did in the end, 'cuz I really enjoyed the talk, and was even thinking about looking up Darwin's Beagle voyage books in the library! Never thought I'd actually enjoy such a nerdy talk ="=

The following few days of talks was really trying though.. So many trees.. Everyone was generating phylogenetic trees and presenting some funky analysis which I tried so hard to understand! (Danwei, this woulda been the perfect conference for you!!) Big words like synapomorphy, apomorphy etc that I'd seen before but can't remember what they meant, really threw me off balance.. I prolly understood < 5% of each talk :( Trying to be intelligent when you're not is tough! But I don't regret attending the talks, as I really wanna widen my horizon, and I think I did learn some stuff (albeit prolly not worth USD$150)! :p It was quite different from the other conferences I'd attended, as this conference was on a much smaller scale so it was a bit more engaging during the Q&A session, and there was no frantically running around between sessions!

One of my favourites about conferences is meeting people. Not just about seeing all the quirky characters of the scientists, like we had a Santa Claus, a Jesus Christ etc., but more so about being awed by the brilliance of these people. How I wish I could be just half as intelligent as any of them! Two of the people who left the deepest impression were "Jesus", the developer of TNT (better than PAUP!) and Dr John van Wyhe, the expert on Charles Darwin. It was really good meeting John, cuz I'd been really perturbed about religion/creationism & evolution for the longest time, and he did enlighten me somewhat. Although I still think I won't be able to accept believing in both at the same time, I can better understand why so many of my friends can. Thanks John! :) Hehe and now I think I have a mild crush on John, a HISTORIAN! ="= A true nerd indeed. How unthinkable!! :p Haha, think I'm just attracted to intelligent men :p :p Hehe so I shamelessly introduced myself, and even asked to have a picture taken with him!

Thank you for making my day! =)

A card from a dear friend all the way in another corner of the earth that really made my day. =) Haven't read it yet, but it's already made my day, especially cuz the past few weeks have been really rough. Humorous card too eh? ;)

Thank you so much.